


because maybe this time you'll say yes

by regrettably



Category: JJCC (Band)
Genre: M/M, another installment in the ever expanding saga of idiocy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-08
Updated: 2016-05-08
Packaged: 2018-06-07 03:21:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6783190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/regrettably/pseuds/regrettably
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eddy’s asked Henry to marry him three times over the course of their relationship, Henry’s determined to not let him ask a fourth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	because maybe this time you'll say yes

**Author's Note:**

> I'm trying to clean out my wip folder, so here's something really, really, really stupid that I started when I was being ridiculously and embarrassingly sad about Mak leaving for China.
> 
> Technically not m-rated, but it's about Mak and Eddy, so, uh, prepare yourself?

 

Henry’s time in Australia was important for him in more ways than one.

 

He got to see his family again; got to size up his sister’s boyfriend, make sure that his mom was just as beautiful as the last time he saw her, made sure he wasn’t too much of a disappointment to his dad.

 

He got to teach dance again to whole classes of students (which is much more fulfilling than just trying to correct Chanyul all the time), he finally got his stupid ear infection taken care of, and he got to see tons of his old friends that he hadn’t seen in years.

 

But _that_ , that last thing is kind of the problem.

 

Because it seems like all of his friends from back home are engaged, married, having kids, all at the same age he is.  And he’s always wanted all of that; wanted a cute wife, cute kids, a quaint first home, some family pets, his parents nearby.  He wants a life away from his own hectic schedules, a life without early morning trips to get his hair styled and his makeup done and nights spent locked away in the dance studio, a life where he can be focused on his own family and their schedules instead.

 

He’s just not entirely sure when his cute little wife started to be replaced by Eddy in his fantasies.

 

Maybe it was when Eddy started asking him to marry him.

 

Eddy’s asked Henry to marry him three times since they’ve known each other.  Henry doesn’t really think any of them should count, because all three times Eddy was drunk.

 

The first time started out like any night Eddy goes out drinking.  

 

He came home, had woken Henry up when he’d stumbled into his room and tripped over all the stuffed animals and dirty laundry, crawled into bed beside Henry, and tried to fumble his way out of his clothes.  Henry had been partially cranky, partially amused, and mostly turned-on as he’d helped Eddy out of his clothing.  Henry hates being woken up in the middle of the night, as most people do, but when it’s Eddy drunkenly waking you up in the middle of the night you know for certain that he’s there because he wants to have really gross and needy sex, the kind of sex that he’s too embarrassed to ask for without the influence of alcohol and that Henry is only too happy to provide.

 

But that night, as soon as Henry had tugged Eddy’s hoodie over his head (mussing his hair and making him look unbearably cute for a drunken idiot) and worked his jeans over his thick legs, Eddy had just curled up to Henry’s side and laid there.  That was unusual, by that point in that kind of night Eddy would usually be trying to stretch his full lips around Henry’s cock.  But that night he just stared at Henry with those big and undeniably beautiful dark eyes and he was chewing on his bottom lip like he had something he wanted to say but was too shy to say it.

 

Since Eddy’s recollections of his drunken nights are always hazy at best in the morning, Henry allowed himself an unusually tender moment.  Something about Eddy and his messy hair and rosy lips and flushed cheeks was too good in Henry’s eyes to pass up, and while Eddy was strangely subdued Henry decided to push some hair off of his face and stroke at a shining temple with his thumb.

 

“Do you want to ask me something, mate?”  He’d smiled and chuckled to himself as Eddy grasped loosely at his wrist, holding it close, pressing it to his cheek.

 

He definitely hadn’t been prepared for what Eddy had whispered.

 

“Henry, would you marry me?”

 

The way he asked was alarmingly sincere, quiet, not a hint of slurring in his speech, and Henry was so taken aback that he couldn’t do much but blink at him for a minute before giving his answer.

 

“Eddy, you’re drunk, man.”

 

Eddy had nodded slowly, agreed, but he still looked oddly hopeful, eyes big and lips parted.   “I mean, not right now… but someday?”

 

Henry had no idea what to do.  Eddy smelled of alcohol and sweat and he’s always stupid when he’s drunk (but then again, he’s not the brightest normally) so he just sighed and wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him tight to his side.

 

“Shh… go to sleep…”  He’d whispered, Eddy had said nothing more, and Henry had held him until his heart stopped racing in his chest and his quick breaths changed to soft snores.

 

Henry had hoped that would be the last time Eddy ever said anything like that.  Eddy’s bad at expressing his feelings to him in general, much less when it comes to their tenuous relationship (the phrase “I love you” seems to be particularly difficult for the guy), so Henry had chalked the whole thing up to way too much beer and poorly conveyed remorse for the argument they’d had earlier in the day that caused Eddy to go out drinking in the first place (entirely Eddy’s fault, it’s not like Henry _asks_ him to get mad every time he talks about Suzy).

 

But then the second time happened.

 

The second time Eddy was beyond drunk.  He was the kind of wasted that required Henry to sit in their sole bathroom with him and hold Eddy’s hair back while he puked into the toilet for a good half hour.

 

That particular evening ended with some very drunk sex in the bathtub (at Eddy’s insistence, of course), Henry pushing Eddy’s hair off of his sweaty forehead and appreciating how drunken Eddy never tries to kiss him on the lips after he’s thrown up (and he did have to vomit once during sex, which could’ve been kind of awkward for Henry but by that point in their relationship he was used to that kind of thing), and right during the middle of all of that was when Eddy decided to ask.

 

“Prince, Prince… oh, shit, Henry…”  Eddy had panted out as Henry pressed his wrists back over his head, neck glistening with sweat, face beyond red from the alcohol and the exertion, and his damningly pretty eyelids had fluttered open and he’d looked Henry dead in the eyes as he was being driven into the floor of the bathtub (at that moment Henry was thankful for the nonslip shower mat Youngjin had gotten him as a present because he kept slipping in the shower, it’s yellow and it has ducks on it and it’s handy for keeping Eddy in place in these kind of situations).  “Henry… would you… would you marry me?”

 

Henry’s first impulse had been to throw up on the spot (maybe because it was hot in the tiny bathroom and Eddy smelt heavily of puke and alcohol), but he had fought that down and settled for a wheezy, somewhat panicked laugh.  “Dude, really?  Right now?”

 

“Seems like… ah… as good a time as any…”

 

Now, Henry couldn’t really believe that in the middle of the night, in the grimy bathtub of their house, only slightly covered in vomit and sweat, and with Henry’s cock up his ass, seemed like the perfect time for a proposal to Eddy.  But once again, he looked so sincere, so expectant, like he really was hoping that Henry would agree to marry him while he’s busy fucking him into the tub.

 

“Look, ah… mate, I’m not sure if you’re aware of how drunk you are-” Henry had gasped out between thrusts, choking on his words when Eddy wrapped his strong thighs tight around his waist and used his legs to pull them closer together.

 

Eddy’s voice was surprisingly steady, considering his situation.  “Henry, I’m in love with you.”

 

“Man, you’re shitfaced.”

 

“I can be both.”  Eddy’s voice cracked as he spoke.

 

Henry had laughed because he didn’t know what to do that time either.  He wasn’t used to Eddy being serious, he wasn’t used to Eddy telling him he loved him, he wasn’t used to Eddy looking at him like he meant the whole world to him, and he definitely wasn’t prepared for another and even more ill-timed proposal.  But he was used to Eddy being a drunken mess, especially a drunken horny mess.

 

“I’ll tell you what.”  Henry had said, releasing one of Eddy’s wrists so he could rub his palm across a sweaty cheek before taking hold of his straining erection.  “Ask me again in the morning, if you really mean it.”

 

Eddy had smiled and nodded real fast and Henry had stroked him to an orgasm in the blink of an eye (Eddy’s stamina while drunk is pretty much nonexistent).  He’d passed out almost the second he’d came, and Henry had first taken the liberty to get himself off before actually running the bath and cleaning them both up the best he could and putting Eddy to bed (easier said than done, he’s muscly and heavy and Henry was limp from effort).

 

And Eddy didn’t ask in the morning.  He didn’t seem to remember much of the night at all, beyond the fact that they had sex.

 

Henry was beginning to suspect that Eddy has some deep-seated abandonment fears that only surface when he drinks (Henry thinks he never really got over being sent away from home when he was barely a teenager), but at that time Henry wasn’t planning on going anywhere, so, whatever.  It was just an alcohol-induced eccentricity or something.

 

And it didn’t come up again.  In almost two years of their weird and rocky relationship, there had only been two intoxicated proposals between them, and that was pretty okay by Henry.  Eddy’s always a mess when he’s drunk, so he couldn’t have meant anything serious by them, right?  Especially if he didn’t remember them, right?

 

It was New Year’s Eve, in Busan, when the third time happened.

 

The whole group had gone out clubbing, and since Henry teetotals he decided to drink half a dozen energy drinks so he could get some kind of buzz akin to what his group members were getting, and he’d been pretty hyped up as the evening was winding down because of the massive amount of stimulants he’d ingested.

 

They’d ended up on some little hill or something, there was a fence you could sit on and it was overlooking the ocean and there were fireworks.  Youngjin was doing his inebriated best to ruin any sort of romantic moment Hadon and Joonyoung could’ve had (not intentionally, he was just being an overenthusiastic third wheel), Chanyul and Daehwan were wrapped up in their own small world as they sat on the edge of the railing with their shoulders pressed together and were likely promising each other an eternity (if Henry’s ever met anybody that has convinced him that soulmates exist, it would be those two), and Henry had somehow ended up off to the side with Eddy.

 

Eddy was leaning his elbows on the railing (he drank _a lot_ , Henry counted at least fifteen drinks and he wasn’t even paying that close of attention) and looking up at the fireworks with big wide eyes, as if at that moment the colors and flashes of light were the most amazing thing he’d ever seen.

 

Henry was watching the fireworks too, but he was also bouncing on the balls of his feet and twiddling his fingers together and he needed to do more than just stand there and watch (his heart felt like it might’ve pounded out of his chest if he didn’t keep moving) so while everyone else was busy he figured he’d just bother Eddy.

 

“Got a New Year’s resolution, man?”  He’d asked, elbowing Eddy in the ribs and directing his attention away from the explosions momentarily.

 

And Eddy had thought for a long time about it, looked at Henry with a solemn expression and weirdly sober eyes, and he spent so long being silent and just staring at Henry that he’d begun to feel uncomfortable.

 

“Look, it’s okay if you don’t-” He’d begun, but Eddy had suddenly turned away to watch the fireworks again and he’d cut him off.

 

“Henry, do you want to marry me yet?”

 

“What?”  Henry wasn’t sure that he’d heard him properly over the sound of the fireworks and Joonyoung and Youngjin’s shouting.

 

“Do you want to marry me?”  Eddy had repeated, a little more forceful this time, still concentrating on the pyrotechnics and the shimmering reflections they made on the ocean below.

 

He was drunk.  He was so, so drunk.  And Henry knew he was drunk.  So what else could he have said?

 

“Eddy, dude, I just… I mean… I don’t… I don’t think…”

 

He’d been stammering and stuttering (his brain was working much faster than his tongue, he blamed the energy drinks), and Eddy’s face became strange, an odd little smile playing on his full lips, eyes sparkling in flashes of green and red and yellow every time another rocket went up.

 

“Then that’s it.  That’s my resolution.”  He’d nodded, a stiff, short little movement, and he’d smiled just a little more.  “To keep asking you until you say yes.  I’m going to get you to want to marry me this year.”

 

And he didn’t say anything else, just folded his hands together and pushed his hat back further on his head and stared up with those dark beautiful eyes at the night sky and swayed a little bit on his feet.  Henry had been so shocked he couldn’t pull himself together enough to respond to that before Hadon was complaining about being tired and Joonyoung wanted to go back to the hotel.

 

He was in the same room as Eddy, and Eddy was asleep as soon as he flopped across the mattress (Henry took off his hat and his chains for him and placed them neatly on the bedside table), and Henry had snuck under the covers beside him, but he didn’t get a minute of sleep that night.

 

He’d tried to convince himself that his insomnia was due to all the stupid energy drinks and wasn’t because Eddy had spooked him so badly that he couldn’t sleep, but whatever it was it didn’t change the fact that he was thinking about Eddy while he watched the sun rise.

 

He felt like after that point he probably should’ve had some sort of serious talk with Eddy.  But Eddy never mentioned anything about that night either, didn’t try to avoid Henry, didn’t act strange around him at all.  It was like he just completely forgot that he’d tried to get Henry to marry him for a third time.

 

Henry was formulating his own theories about alcohol-induced selective memory while trying to figure out how to best broach the subject of “hey, sometimes when you get drunk you propose to me and I don’t know how to feel about that but I wish you’d stop”, but as it happened, he never got the chance.

 

Because they were busy every second of every day after New Year’s in preparation for their concert in Australia, and then they were in Australia, and then Henry was left there alone while the rest of the group went back to practice for their next comeback.

 

Which was great.  He loved being back home, he loved seeing his family again, he loved having some time away from the guys he sees practically every single hour of every single day.

 

But going home and seeing your family is always a cause for some serious self-reflection, whether you planned on it or not.

 

First it started with meeting the old friends.  Then some of the old friends had kids.  Maybe there were some ex-girlfriends and sort of maybe kind of ex-girlfriends that he saw too (nothing happened, but Eddy had told him that if he heard a single rumour about him getting mixed up with any of his old flames he’d personally cook all of his shoes into a super spicy curry and force him to eat it).

 

And he’d wanted everything they had so badly.  

 

But as he sat there and watched his old friends smile and laugh and show off their homes and play with their kids and tell him how much they envy him for leaving and becoming an idol (they don’t know half of how shitty it is) he felt this stupid dull ache in his chest and his heart kind of felt heavy.  But it wasn’t just the usual regret and remorse that he ran away from home and sort of messed up his chances at having a normal family (at least for the time being) because he knows what that feels like, a bitter longing that makes food taste sour in his mouth and flickers behind his eyeballs when he tries to sleep and thrums away in the back of his head where he’s sure memories are stored, and he always feels it.  So it wasn’t just that.  This was something different, and it took him a while to figure out what it was.

 

Then he was out at a cafe with a girl that he didn’t quite ever go out with but had always wished he had and he’d almost ordered something to take back to Eddy just out of habit.  He drove his beloved Volkswagen for the first time in years and had the passing thought that he wished he could take Eddy for a spin in his old car (even if Eddy would probably have burst a few blood vessels just by being inside a vehicle driven by him).  He sat at yet another friend’s new place (places that aren’t shared with parents or siblings or six roommates) and watched them bounce a baby on their knee and found himself absentmindedly thinking about what Eddy would look like with a chubby cheeked little kid planted on one of his strong thighs (or even just what it would be like to actually spend more than a few hours alone with Eddy, that’s a luxury they’ve never had).

 

And then the defining moment.

 

He was at his parent’s house and they were doing the usual things that parents do; asking if he has a girlfriend (to which he answered no, he loves them but they definitely aren’t ready to know about Eddy), asking when he’s going to get himself a girlfriend (“I don’t really have time for that right now…”), when they can expect to see some grandkids (“I think I’d need to have a girlfriend first…”), and his sister was sitting across the table from him with her boyfriend beside her (he’s tall and perfect and he’ll have super attractive kids and Henry’s parents absolutely love him), and while Henry was busy fielding all sorts of unanswerable questions he couldn’t help but imagine having Eddy sitting next to him and cheerfully replying to his parents for him in that ridiculous voice he always uses on Pops in Seoul.

 

It’s not like that would ever happen, he can’t imagine his parents would be pleased to know that he’s with Eddy in any sort of way, but Eddy had met his parents at the concerts they’d performed with Boyfriend and he’d been on his best behaviour and he was kind and polite and maybe a little over-affectionate but Henry knew that was only because he was super nervous to meet them, and just seeing them all together must’ve planted the seeds for the image of Eddy eating with his family, as _part_ of his family, in his brain.

 

And that was not good.  Those errant thoughts of some sort of life with Eddy are usually reserved for his most sleepless nights, silly and fleeting, things that he denies himself except when Eddy’s fast asleep beside him and Henry can stroke at the bare skin of his strong shoulders and can think things that he could never say and knows will never become true.

 

Sure, maybe the frequency of those thoughts had increased since Eddy started proposing, but they were still always secret, forbidden, thought only in the dead of night and tucked carefully away (and he tried so hard to forget them, but the thoughts were so startling that they always stuck with him) the rest of the time.

 

But the fantasies started coming out during the day while he was in Australia, and that just couldn’t be allowed to happen.  Because there can’t be that with Eddy.  There can’t be anything with Eddy.  Eddy can’t give him kids, his friends won’t like Eddy, his parents won’t want anything to do with Eddy at all.  There’s no driving kids to soccer practices or picking out paint colors for the baby’s room or going over to his parents on the weekends for his mom’s cooking.  Instead, there’s just Eddy.

 

So when his parents started asking him about his career and his future and why he has no money and where exactly this is all going, his plan to spend some time away from the group and working on personal things in China seemed pretty great to him.

 

Of course, this meant that he’d miss the next comeback, but his life’s been feeling pretty dead-end lately and he really needs to take a step back, spend some more time without Eddy and clear his head, because these thoughts of his future that all include Eddy where they used to include the cutest girl in his high school (or more recently Suzy) need to stop.

 

Because what even is Eddy to him, really?  It’s been almost two years of fighting and fucking and something he’d guess you could call dating (sure, he calls Eddy his boyfriend in front of the rest of the guys, but nobody else can ever know) and Eddy is still just… Eddy to him.  

 

Sure, he’s the first guy Henry had ever kissed and sometimes Eddy makes him breakfast in bed and lends him his hoodies when he’s cold and gives him blowjobs when he’s sad, but they’d only kissed the first time because they were mad at each other (it had made sense at the time, okay?) and Eddy likes to cook and he’s always disgusting and hot and sweaty while Henry’s always cold and Henry likes to think that he has a pretty great dick so who wouldn’t want to give him a blowjob?

 

Eddy’s still a gigantic asshole who nags him about his singing constantly and he smells and he likes to sleep more than he likes to shave his face and he dresses like a tool and he’s nothing like the sweet wife Henry had been envisaging for his whole life.  There’s nothing dainty or feminine or cute about Eddy at all.

 

Henry’s certain they would never have even gotten together if they’d met under any different circumstances, if they didn’t see each other practically every hour of every day for the past couple of years, if they’d ever had free time and had been allowed to meet other people, if Eddy hadn’t been and still remains as the only person he can even really talk to in their group.  He’s still not even completely sure about whether or not he likes guys (he’s definitely not admitting to anybody that he does) or if Eddy’s just an exception.  

 

And if he is an exception, he’s an exception that’s probably gone on for much too long.  Henry always thought that he’d just keep this up until somebody better suited for him came along.  But time passed and nothing ever worked out with anybody else and he’s always so busy and so exhausted and Eddy’s always there and he doesn’t require much work to be with and at some point Henry sort of just stopped looking, and now he’s been with Eddy for years.

 

And he does love him.  He does.  At least, he thinks he does.  There’s no way he could’ve spent all this time with him if he didn’t feel something for him.  

 

But they both must know that this can’t go anywhere, right?

 

Henry had always thought that Eddy knew that there’s no future for them, but the proposals tell him otherwise.  Even if they’re just drunken mistakes, they’re still unnerving.

 

So maybe he took a nice long break (not really a break, he still did a whole bunch of promotional stuff) in Australia, maybe he’s disappearing to China for a few months.  It’s not like he’s running away because he has difficult feelings to deal with.  He just needs some time to figure things out, maybe do a little bit of occupational window shopping (it doesn’t hurt to look at your options), hopefully make some connections and try to improve his career standing a bit.

 

But he gets a few days back in Korea before he leaves for China, and he’s looking forward to them.  

 

He thinks that whole uneasy pain in his chest was possibly because he maybe missed Eddy (not that he’ll admit it to him easily).  Even though it was the middle of summer in Australia he had a hard time sleeping without a heavy sweaty lump beside him and it was strange to not have someone watch him pick out his outfit for the day and it was weird watching anything on television without Eddy’s overreactions and the way he talks to the characters as if they can hear him (normally it annoys the shit out of him but it was almost too quiet without it).

 

Even though the rest of the group is busy promoting right now, he knows there will be a little bit of time for Eddy to catch him up on what they were busy doing while he was gone and maybe Eddy will make him some of his special chicken before he leaves and if he’s really lucky he might even be able to talk Eddy into having sex with him (he knows Eddy has to dance every single day, but he’ll be gentle and it’s really going to suck going for months without sex while he’s in China, it’s been years since he’s jerked off as much as he had in the last month).

 

And he knows that Eddy missed him.  He said as much on one of their V-apps, and for once he’s looking forward to Eddy’s personal brand of expressing his emotions through physical affection.

 

But he also won’t be there long enough to have any lengthy conversations with Eddy and Eddy won’t be drinking because they’re in the middle of promotions, so Henry can go to China knowing full well that there won’t be any drunken proposals for the next few months at least and he can deal with his difficult feelings when he comes back.

 

Because three proposals is more than enough for Henry, and he’s determined to not let Eddy make a fourth.

 

So he gets off his plane in Seoul and one of their managers drives him back to the dorm, and everyone else is out because they’re busy promoting on a music show, but at least the multitude of animals all seem to remember him and they keep him company while he sorts through his stuff (it’s all been shoved into one of the offices, apparently Simba has his room now) and tries to pack enough clothing for several months away.

 

Then there’s doors opening and barking and the sound of feet clomping on cheap flooring and the next thing Henry knows he’s up in the air and Simba’s yelling and squeezing him tight in his lanky arms and laughing.

 

Everyone seems so happy to see him; E.co thumps him way too hard on the back when they embrace (it’s how the eldest shows his love), Sancheong asks him how his trip was in English and gives him a fistbump, Zica nods and smiles and extends his hand, and even Yul hugs him completely of his own accord. It’s nice, being home was great and all, but he kind of forgot how much he likes the guys and he’s touched that they seem to have missed him because he really missed them too.

 

But he doesn’t expect Eddy to not have missed him at all.

 

He’s surprised that Eddy wasn’t next in line to welcome him back after Simba flew in the room, but everyone else is crowded around him and babbling at him and he’s so tired that he can’t even be bothered to try to understand their Korean and Eddy’s not there to translate and he’s almost wondering if he had some other schedule that he had to be at and didn’t come back to their house with the rest of the guys when E.co yells Eddy’s name so loudly and nasally that it rings in Henry’s ears and there’s some soft footsteps approaching slowly and then Eddy’s standing in the doorway of the office.

 

And he looks awful.

 

Henry’s only been gone for a month, and he knew Eddy was starting a strict diet the second they got back to Seoul, but Eddy’s deteriorated beyond what Henry would’ve believed possible.  

 

His pants are barely hanging on his hips, his arms look smaller than Henry’s ever seen them, the bags under his eyes are so dark they’re almost black, his skin is inexplicably discoloured to the point of being sallow, and his face is so gaunt Henry has the sudden urge to order about twenty cheeseburgers and make Eddy eat them all while he watches.  

 

And he’s not even making himself busy giving Henry the bone-crushing hug he expected.  Instead he’s just hovering in the doorway, folding his hands together, hesitating for no reason Henry can think of.  

 

Henry stalls too, just for a second, mostly because he’s shocked at how bad Eddy looks, but he notices the weird looks the rest of the guys are giving them and he decides to make the first move.

 

To be fair, Eddy walks into the hug too when he feels everyone’s eyes on him, but he just tucks his arms loosely around Henry’s waist and sort of leans awkwardly into his shoulder.  Henry would squeeze him tighter but he looks so thin that he’s irrationally afraid he might splinter one of his ribs (that he can now feel even through his baggy shirt).

 

“Eddy, did you miss me, man?”  He puts on his best cheeky smile, trying to use some of his acting skills to hopefully mask his initial concern.

 

Eddy laughs as he leans back, hands dropping to his sides, but his voice is hollow and unusually quiet.  “Not at all.”

 

“Good, because I didn’t miss you either.”  He grins, sliding his hands up along Eddy’s back, splaying his fingers across the disturbingly smaller lines of his shoulderblades, tilting his head forward and hoping for a kiss (Eddy’s not big on showing that kind of affection in front of the others while sober, but they’ve spent the last couple of years without being apart for more than a single day and Henry hasn’t seen him in a month so he thinks his chances are pretty good here), but Eddy just ducks out of his arms.

 

Henry assumes he’s pulled away so he can ask him a billion questions about his time at home, he’s prepared for an enormous amount of questions from Eddy because any time anybody gets free time everyone always wants to know all the details, but all he gets is Eddy gesturing with his head, indicating for Henry to look behind himself.

 

“They’re expecting presents.  You did get them presents, right?”  Eddy smiles a bit, mumbles a few sentences in Korean to which everyone else nods excitedly (especially Simba and E.co) and Henry laughs as everyone presses closer to him.  

 

“Yeah, of course.”  He ducks between Zica’s legs and kneels to get at one of his suitcases, rummaging around for the bag full of snacks he’d picked up for everyone.

 

“Good, give those out then, they’ve been talking about presents for the past week.”

 

Eddy turns to leave and Henry reaches out, snags him by the shirt sleeve.  “Where are you going, dude?  I got you stuff too…”

 

“Got stuff to do.”  Eddy smiles, but he also shrugs away from Henry’s grip.  “You can give me things later.”

  
  
Henry’s grin slips momentarily, he finds it hard to believe that Eddy doesn’t want his present immediately too, but he works hard to make it return.

 

“Y’know, I just had an eleven hour flight, I’m feeling pretty tired…”  Henry stares up at Eddy from the floor, waggles his eyebrows suggestively.  “I was thinking I’d take a nap when I’m done here, and you could join me if you want…?”

 

Eddy grimaces a little, forces a laugh as he backs towards the door.  “I’m going to pass on that, I’ve got to make us all supper.”

 

Then he’s gone and Henry frowns (they both know that the offer to take a “nap” is a poor euphamism at best and not something Henry thought would be turned down so easily after a month without sex) as he’s left handing out Australian treats to the vultures that are his group members while E.co and Simba prod at his face and pull on his hair and check to see if he gained weight or got a tan while he was away.

 

The group eventually moves out to the kitchen because Sancheong can only ask so many questions in English and Henry really is too tired to decipher any Korean at all and everyone has so many questions for him about what it was like to be away from them for a month (he’s certain everyone else is jealous, nobody ever gets to leave for more than a few days) and they need Eddy translate for everyone.

 

Eddy only agrees to translate if some of them help him cook, and Zica and Yul end up getting roped into chopping up vegetables while everyone chatters eagerly at Eddy.  Henry answers tons of questions through Eddy, but it’s not lost on him that Eddy himself doesn’t ask him a single thing (neither does Yul, but that’s to be expected).

 

He does laugh and shake his head at appropriate points in Henry’s stories (his team came in last in the dragon boat races, he may have stalled his car a couple of times in the middle of intersections, etc.), but beyond that, there’s nothing.  He doesn’t even look at Henry when he talks to him, keeps his eyes downcast, focused on his hands, on his cooking, anywhere but on Henry.

 

When he’s done making supper he just lays the food out on the kitchen counter and Henry doesn’t even have a chance to tell him how good everything looks (he loved his mom’s cooking, but in a way he kind of missed Eddy’s too) before he’s trying to leave the room again.

 

“Man, aren’t you going to stay and eat?”  Henry asks partway through shoving a piece of chicken in his mouth.  Eddy just spent the better part of an hour making enough food for everyone, and now he’s not even going to eat any of it?

 

“Not hungry.”  Eddy calls out over his shoulder.

 

“Are you sure?”  Just looking at the way Eddy’s clothing hangs even looser than it normally does on his frame makes Henry want to eat, but Eddy nods and gives him a quirky little smile before he pads out of the kitchen and down the hallway and presumably in the direction of his room (which he apparently shares with E.co now?  Henry really wants to ask Eddy about how exactly they decided on that.)

 

Everyone else stops talking as soon as Eddy leaves, and if Henry wasn’t so exhausted he’d think more about the odd looks they’re all giving him as they quietly dish out food for themselves (the way E.co is staring at him in particular is making him feel irrationally guilty, he’s not sure what he’s done to deserve it).  Is he supposed to go after Eddy right now or something?  He feels like maybe he should, but he has no idea why and there’s also food that’s getting cold right in front of him, so maybe he’ll eat first and then go see if Eddy’s doing okay.

 

So he sits on the floor of the living room with the rest of the guys and a bowl of food and now that everyone’s being strangely quiet he’s given an opportunity to mull over the possibilities of what exactly could be up with Eddy.

 

He wonders if Eddy’s sick.  He certainly looks sick.  And that would explain the lack of appetite… but he’s never seen Eddy up and out of bed and making food for others when he’s sick, so it’s probably not that.

 

He was talking to everybody, so it’s unlikely that Sancheong stole one of his snapbacks or E.co did his makeup while he was sleeping or that Simba lodged his favourite kitchen knife in the ceiling again.

 

Eddy’s not holed up in his room and clutching a pillow to his chest while binge-watching dramas and pretending his eyes are watery because of the female lead’s battle with cancer or whatever it is this time, so he’s not fighting with his parents either.

 

Which leaves… him.

 

Shit.

 

“Did _I_ do something?”  Henry wonders aloud, and suddenly everyone stops chewing and turns to face him.

 

Henry stares at them silently for a while, then the rest of the members look at each other, then they all look back to him, and now Henry knows for certain that it’s his fault.

 

Whatever _it_ is.  He’s never seen Eddy like this before.  He’s seen him bitter, drunk, jealous, in snitty huffs, ignoring him for days on end, crying, really drunk, high-strung, screaming, mid-meltdown, stress eating, projectile vomiting, attempting to rip out his own hair, so drunk and pissed at him that he blew Simba on the living room couch (he doesn’t remember it and Henry enjoyed watching so he doesn’t see any point in telling him about it), but not like this.  He doesn’t really think that Eddy’s even angry.

 

He’s not displaying any of the classic signs of being angry anyways.  He’s just quiet and looks tired and isn’t eating (and Eddy always crams his face with food when he’s upset if he’s not hiding in his bed).

 

And it’s not like Henry completely ignored him while he was away, he called once in awhile and sent a few messages (before he ran out of data), and Eddy never said anything to indicate he was less than happy with him during the time he was gone.

 

So he’s really not sure how whatever this is can be his fault.  

 

“Well, what did I _do_?”  He asks, and there’s a long awkward pause before E.co leans over and whispers something in one of Sancheong’s large ears (Henry’s not sure why he whispers, he never understands a single word that comes out of the eldest’s mouth to begin with) and Henry sits there expectantly while Sancheong considers how best to deliver the news.

 

“You… you really don’t know?”  Sancheong drawls first, blinking at Henry’s dumbfounded expression.

 

“No?”  Henry tries to ignore how E.co rolls his eyes and Zica and Yul shake their heads as they quietly eat their supper.

 

“Okay, uh…”  Sancheong sighs, shakes his head as he looks for words.  “We… we all think… thought?  Uh, thought… you will, uh, would, come back, but Eddy-hyung…”

 

“But Eddy what?”  Henry prompts as Sancheong pauses.

 

“Eddy-hyung thought you weren’t coming back.”

 

Henry nearly drops his bowl at Sancheong’s slow words.  “What?  Why would he think that?”

 

Henry’s not sure if Sancheong’s just done with English for the day or if he’s done with him, but he focuses his sleepy eyes downwards at his food.  “Ask him.  Not me.”

 

And just like that, Henry doesn’t feel like eating anymore.

 

If anything, he feels sort of nauseous looking at the food Eddy made when he himself looks so thin and sickly, especially if Eddy made it while he was upset over something he did.

 

So he pushes his bowl over to Simba (he’s just like their dogs, always eager for any scraps) and gets to his feet, ignoring all the pairs of eyes that follow him as he makes his way out of the living room.

 

Eddy’s not curled up under his blankets like Henry expected, he hasn’t locked himself in the bathroom, he’s not hiding in the office, and he doesn’t seem to be in anyone else’s room.

 

And because he can’t find Eddy anywhere else, it’s got to be the roof, as usual.

 

Henry pushes open the door and there Eddy is, leaning up against the metals rails lining the house’s edge and looking out over the rooftops of their neighbours’ buildings and shrugging his shirt close around his thin waist.  

 

“Hey man.”  Henry’s going to do this more carefully than he normally would.  Eddy’s being weird, but he’s not angry yet, and when he gets angry he can go days without talking to him and Henry doesn’t have time for that.

 

Eddy didn’t turn to look at him when he forced the sticky roof door open, but he does give a small nod in Henry’s direction when he joins him at the railing.  “Hey.”

 

Henry waits, hopes he’ll say more, flips his hair a few times, rearranges his bangs, and when Eddy still doesn’t speak Henry clears his throat.  “Were you, uh, really not hungry?  You look like you’ve lost a… _little_ … bit of weight since I’ve been gone…”

 

Eddy shrugs, looking straight ahead even though Henry nudged him with his elbow.  “Haven’t felt like eating lately.”

 

Henry chokes back another “Are you sure?” as he watches the sheen of the streetlights flickering to life reflected on Eddy’s now noticeable cheekbones.

 

While he’s figuring out what to say next (this whole thinking before you speak thing is a lot more difficult than he thought), Eddy decides to speak.  “What about you?  Why are you up here?  You didn’t like my cooking?”

 

Henry laughs at first, until he notices Eddy isn’t smiling and he coughs inelegantly to cover up his mistake.  “No, I just… I didn’t feel like eating either, I guess.”

 

“Huh.”  

 

Henry’s not used to awkward silences between him and Eddy, but this one is definitely awkward.

 

On the rare occasions they’ve spent up here together, he’d sling an arm around Eddy’s shoulder (or vice-versa) and watch the lights in their neighborhood in comfortable silence.  But right now Eddy’s closed him off, arms folded tight across his chest, and he doesn’t want to risk doing anything that could set him off, so he just stands as close to him as he can without actually touching him and mirrors his pose against the rails.

 

“So… did you want something?”  Eddy asks after a while, because Henry’s still hung up on trying to figure out the best way to do this.

 

“No… I just…”  He wants to tell Eddy that he missed him, but that’s not what comes out.  “Are you doing okay?”

 

Eddy sucks his teeth, lets out a little scoffing noise.  “Of course I am.  Do I look like I’m not?”

 

“Dude, you look like you’re dying.”  Henry covers his mouth automatically and braces for the inevitable impact of Eddy’s fist connecting with his ribs.  He couldn’t help it, it just slipped out, it was definitely the wrong thing to say and he knows it, and he stands there with his eyes squeezed shut and waits but nothing happens.

 

“Oh.”  That’s all Eddy says, and he tucks his arms tighter around himself and looks down into the street.

 

For some reason that little “oh” hurts more than the punch would have.  

 

“Do you, uh, want to talk about it?”  Henry offers.  Communication (particularly, talking instead of yelling) has never been their strong point, but this feels like the right thing to do, so he offers anyways.

 

“Talk about what, exactly?”  Eddy chuckles derisively.  “How bad I look?”  

 

“No, about-” Henry realizes how quickly his voice is rising in volume and he takes a deep breath before continuing.  “-about, about… look, Hadon said you thought I wasn’t coming back.”

 

Eddy opens his mouth as if to say something, but nothing comes out and Henry can see the veins in the back of his hands standing out as he digs his fingers into his own biceps.

 

“Man, how could you think that?”  Henry tries to be casual, keeps his voice light and cool, a hint of a disbelieving laugh that he doesn’t feel.  “You knew the plan, you knew I was going to come back…”

 

“Did I?”  Eddy says it more to himself than to Henry and so quietly that Henry almost misses it.

 

“Huh?  Of course you did…”  Henry laughs a little, smiles, lays a hand on Eddy’s arm and Eddy jerks away as if he’s been shocked.  “Dude, what’s going on?  What did I do to make you so upset?”

 

Eddy’s silent for a long time, and then he runs a hand through his dyed hair and closes his eyes in defeat.

 

“You were happy.”

 

“What?”

 

“You were happy there, okay?”  Eddy practically whispers, eyes still shut.

 

“And that makes you unhappy?!”  Henry’s trying to remain calm, but it comes out a lot screechier than he’d hoped it would.

 

Eddy shakes his head, eyelids slowly opening.  “No, of course not.”

 

“Then what in the actual fuck is happening here?!  In case you even care,I’ve been gone for a month, I had surgery on my fucking ear, and I just got off an eleven hour flight!  I’m too tired to figure this out on my own!!!”

 

Even though Henry just yelled at him and Eddy always loses his temper when he does that and inevitably has to demonstrate that he can shout louder, Eddy still won’t look at him and he doesn’t raise his voice in the slightest.  “I’m done.  I’m giving up.”

 

“Giving up on what?!”

 

Eddy takes the tiniest little breath in, grips his own arms a little bit tighter.  “On you.”

 

If Eddy was angry this would be so much easier, but he’s not and it feels like the air’s been punched out of Henry’s lungs.  

 

“On me?”  He wheezes, craning his neck to try to get a better look at Eddy’s face.

 

“Yeah.”  Eddy nods, and from what Henry can see his eyes are pretty shiny but his expression is calm, impassive.  “On you.  So you can be happy.”

 

“...so I can be _happy_?  Eddy, man, please… you’re not making any sense…”  Henry wouldn’t admit it, but he’s honestly starting to get scared.  

 

All of this, and Eddy’s still not showing any signs of anger; the tips of his ears aren’t pink, his hands aren’t curling into fists, his dumb perfect eyebrows aren’t furrowing in the slightest.  Instead he just looks tired and resigned as he folds in on himself, small and brittle, and Henry’s never had the urge to want to protect him in the whole time he’s known Eddy, but he’s having it right now and he swears if his heart starts to beat any faster it might explode in his chest.

 

“Look, I saw you, okay?  In Australia,”  Eddy says evenly, blinks just once, eyes glassy.  “I know I was only there for a few days, but I saw you, and... you were with your family, and you looked so happy, man.  And, like, I’ve never seen you that happy before.”   

 

“Well, dude, yeah… they’re my family, I missed them.”  Henry smiles softly, fighting back the urge to lay a comforting palm on Eddy’s arm (not that he’s sure why he needs to be comforted, but once again, it seems like the _right thing_ ).

 

“I know, I know...  you missed them so much.”  Eddy twists his mouth into a bittersweet smile.  “And that’s why I give up, Henry, because I want you to be happy.  That’s why I thought you weren’t coming back...  you’ve been so unhappy here for so long, but you were happier than I thought you could be with your family, and... I thought maybe you’d finally got sick of it all and would just decide to stay, and... and... that would’ve been okay, I would’ve understood.”  

 

“Mate, I wouldn’t have done that…”  Henry forces a laugh, forgets himself for a second and lays a hand gently against one of Eddy’s biceps.  “Even if you’re all annoying, I had to come back for the rest of you guys…”

 

“But... we don’t make you as happy as your family does. _I_ don’t make you as happy.”  Eddy tucks his arms even closer to himself, away from Henry’s touch.  “And you can’t have them if you have me.”

 

“What?  Why not?”

 

“Don’t give me that.”  Eddy shakes his head sadly, makes a noise that was probably intended to be a laugh but just sounds like a pained rasp.  “We both know your parents would never want… us.  Even you don’t want us…”

 

“When have I ever said that?!”

 

“Do you even know when you look happiest?”

 

Henry swears he’s going to rip out his hair if this goes on any longer.  “No?!”

 

“When you talk about your family… when you talk about wanting a family!  About, about having a wife and kids and a house and your parents babysitting and… and… and…”  Eddy trails off, drawing his shoulders up to hide his face further.  “...and… and I can’t give you any of that… so, I just… I can’t.  I can’t love you anymore.”

 

“What?  Are you… are you breaking up with me?”  In all the ways Henry has imagined this scenario, he’s always been the one ending things, not Eddy, and now he feels like he’s going to throw up.  “Mate, what the fuck?  You just said that you love me… shit, you’ve even asked me to marry you when you were drunk, like, three times!”

 

Eddy shoulders shake and Henry can’t tell if he’s laughing or doing something else.  “Yeah, I know.”

 

“You know?!  You actually remember those?”

 

Eddy nods slowly.  “Of course I remember those.  How could I forget?”

 

“Well, what the fuck even were those?”  Henry’s ribcage feels like it’s collapsing in, he wants to yell but it’s like his bones are crushing his lungs and all that comes out is a raspy whisper.  “Were those just jokes to you?”

 

“No, I meant them all.”  Eddy says softly, resolutely, bows his head once.

 

“You honestly expect me to believe that?  Why did you ask while you were fucking drunk then?!”

 

Maybe it’s not the ideal moment to be finally having a conversation about the drunken proposals, but if Eddy’s leaving him, they may as well get everything out of the way now.

 

“Because I knew… I knew you’d never say yes.”  Eddy makes a noise that in some other universe might be akin to a laugh, instead it sounds more like a dying gasp for air.  “I guess... maybe… when I drink, I kind of forget that you’ll never say yes.  I guess that I hoped that every time I asked… that maybe there was a chance… that maybe this time you’d say yes.  But it was stupid.  You never did and you never would.”

 

“Then why did you even bother asking?”

 

“For you.”

 

“Shit, Eddy… can you maybe say more than two fucking words in a row so I can try to understand here?”

 

“Man, you really aren’t all that smart, are you?”  Eddy’s not even saying this with any hint of anger.  “I’ve always told you that I wanted to be, like, an action movie star or something, I never thought I’d get married or have kids or any of that stuff… but… but you’ve always wanted it all.  So I asked for you.”

 

“Come again?”

 

Eddy gestures between them nonchalantly.  “I know that… uh, you and me… is never what you wanted... so I thought that if I offered for us to get married it would help make us, y’know… more normal?  ...Closer to what you want… a chance at some sort of future together, or something…”

 

“Eddy…”  Henry wants to say more, needs to say more, but he’s having such a hard time with just breathing, and Eddy does that terrible sad laugh that makes his heart feel like it’s splintering.

 

“But it’s stupid, I’m stupid, okay?  I knew from the beginning that I could never give you what you want… so go, alright?  Go to China, do whatever you have to… you don’t even have to come back if you don’t want to, it’s okay, I know that there’s nothing left for you here.”

 

“Eddy, please…”

 

“And if you do come back, well, that’s okay too.  I won’t ignore you or anything, I’ll still translate or whatever for you... I know I’ve promised that I won’t leave you on your own… but can you leave me alone for a while?”  Eddy curls in on himself completely now, covers his face with his hands.  “Can you please give me some time to get over you…?  I don’t even know if I can anymore, but, please...”

 

And this looks like it’s it.  Eddy wouldn’t even look at him to begin with, and now he’s closed himself off entirely, and Henry has a feeling that he’s not going to say anything else beyond telling him to stay away.

 

Henry honestly can’t believe that this is how it ends.

 

He expected them to both meet girls eventually (in his dreams he has Suzy and Eddy has Hani), to drift apart, for there to be a mutual understanding (mostly mutual, he imagines Eddy would be a little tearful) and that would be the end of it.  

 

It shouldn’t end with Eddy telling him that he loves him.  Sure, it’s been years now, but they don’t say stuff like that often, and Eddy says it so rarely that Henry can almost convince himself that it isn’t true.

 

Only almost though.

 

Because it also shouldn’t end with Eddy still wanting him.  But from the sounds of it, Eddy still wants him.  And he wants him _forever_.  

 

And if he wants him forever, then that must mean he really does love him, right?

 

That was always a requirement.  He’s got to be in love with the right girl, but the right girl has to love him too.

 

But most of all, it shouldn’t end with Eddy hurting himself for the sake of Henry’s happiness instead of his own.

 

This isn’t Eddy.  Or not how he thinks of Eddy, anyways.  Eddy’s selfish and whiny and temperamental, isn’t he?  And he’s stubborn.  He’s _so_ stubborn.  He never gives up at anything without a fight… but Eddy gave up on him.

 

He loves him, but he’s willing to give up on late nights spent curled up together in bed where they’re too tired to talk because they’ve been practicing all day but their combined body heat feels great on their tired muscles.  

 

He loves him, but he’s willing to give up on sneaking out in the middle of the night and taking some of their dogs for a walk and walking just close enough to each other so that their arms brush and it’s quiet and dark in their neighbourhood and nobody else is outside and for a few moments it feels like they’re the only two people in the entire world.

 

He loves him, but he’s willing to give up on ordering fried chicken at midnight and twining their legs together under their tiny little table as they eat.

 

He loves him, but he’s willing to give up on arguing over dramas and hot messy trysts in the practice room Eddy and Sancheong wallpapered when they were very young and Henry shampooing his hair for him and at least weekly makeup sex and sloppy neck kisses and years of arguing and tears and well, love (at least sometimes).

 

He loves him, and he gave up on him.

 

And Henry knows he’s right.  That this can’t possibly work out, that their parents won’t be happy, that there won’t be any easy way to have kids together or even any sort of life together.

 

But as he stands there and sees Eddy leaning against the railing of their stupid house’s roof, small and fragile as he covers his face, he also sees Eddy slightly older and slumped over the shiny counter of a restaurant, _their_ restaurant, stressed and tired and just hoping that they’re going to make it.  

 

He sees Eddy resting his elbows on a messy kitchen counter in their tiny little home, his hair is long because their kids like to play with it and they needed to learn how to do hairstyles for their daughter and they already knew Eddy looked much better with longer hair, and he’s sobbing into his hands because they’ve had another awful argument and Henry maybe said some things that he didn’t really mean.  

 

He sees Eddy, much older this time, with wrinkles at the edges of his stupid pretty eyes, propping himself up against the guardrail of the balcony that their now larger house has, pretending he’s fine but Henry knows he’s so worried because their youngest kid left for university today and he’s sure they didn’t do a good enough job as parents between all the fighting and the weird family situation and all the late nights spent at their restaurant.

 

And in all of those situations, Henry’s there beside him, and he’s making stupid jokes and smiling and reassuring him that everything’s going to be okay, and half the time he’s apologizing and sometimes he’s grovelling, but he’s always there.  And even though all those times suck, Henry’s there, and he’s happy.  He loves their shitty little first apartment and their humble restaurant and their beautiful kids (he’s not entirely sure where they came from, but they’re definitely there), and he loves his dumb husband too, and in all of those things he sees, he knows the Henry in those moments wouldn’t trade all the stress and the fighting and the sheer difficulty of their situation for anything.

 

And, well, there’s no way he’s ever going to be able to unsee any of those images now.

 

This would have been so much fucking easier if Eddy had just been the selfish cocky asshole he normally is, but no, he just has to be honest and vulnerable and self-sacrificing and make Henry remember why they’ve been together for so long in the first place and even worse, he just made him imagine all sorts of scenes from their future together and even though they’ll still fight all the time and it will be so hard to make any kind of life together, Henry knows he’d be so happy and in love and Eddy would be happy and in love too and…

 

...and he’s doing this, isn’t he?

 

He knows he promised himself that he wouldn’t let Eddy ask him a fourth time, but he never said that _he_ couldn’t ask, right?

 

So instead of leaving Eddy alone, he shuffles closer to him and lays a hand on his shoulder and when Eddy still doesn’t move his hands away from his face, Henry clears his throat.

 

“So, uh, mate… do you want to get married, then?”

 

To be completely fair, Henry deserves the punch in the face.

 

And it’s a good punch too.  Eddy’s never actually hit him at full strength before (sure he slaps at him and whacks him with objects and maybe chokes him a little too but that’s what mates do), and Henry’s definitely thankful he hasn’t before, because he hits _hard_.

 

He’s also glad the punch lands in a way that makes him fall away from the railing, otherwise Eddy probably would’ve knocked him straight off the ledge.  But instead he falls flat on his back on the concrete of the roof, simultaneously winding himself and probably bruising his tailbone and the back of his skull.  

 

Maybe he should have braced himself a little, it might’ve helped soften his landing a bit.  Maybe he should be checking to make sure none of his teeth are loose, because he’s sure the blow rattled his brain around a little.  Maybe he should be holding his cheek, because the normal reaction when somebody hits you is to grab the wounded spot, right?

 

However, as soon as he realizes he’s lying on the ground he props himself on his elbows and looks upwards.  Eddy’s standing over him, just seething, and Henry can’t help but smile the tiniest smile to himself, because he finally, _finally_ got a rise out of him.

 

“What in the fuck is wrong with you?!  Did you even listen to a word I just said?!”

 

“Of course I listened.”  Henry nods, smiling a little wider as Eddy’s eyes start to look wild.  “So, what do you think?  Do you wanna?”

 

“Oh!   _My_ !   **_God_ ** !  How stupid are you?!  What do you think I’m going to say?!”  Eddy is furious, the tips of his ears rapidly turning bright pink and the veins in his arms bulging out as the early telltale signs (if the shouting doesn’t make it obvious enough), and he’s somehow managing to look at Henry like he’s lost his mind even while fuming.  “And why the fuck are you smiling?!”

  
  
Even though Eddy’s voice is shaking with anger and Henry’s jaw feels like someone just dropped a bowling ball on it he can’t help but show all of his teeth now, because Eddy’s angry and beautiful and so very Eddy and for once Henry knows that this is what he wants and just loves him for it.  

 

“Because I love you and I want to marry you and I didn’t know that until right now, but now I know it for certain, and that makes me really really happy, I guess.”  Henry grins, ignoring the bruising on his butt and shoulders for the moment as he attempts to sit up fully.

 

“Stop it!  Just stop it!  Don’t you dare do this to me now!  Don’t you dare say things you don’t mean!!!”  It’s weird to have Eddy, with his stout little body, loom over him with clenched fists, and it would probably be pretty threatening if Henry wasn’t so happy.  “I asked you to leave me alone!  I’ll give you one more chance to go do that, but don’t you dare-”

 

“I mean it, man!”  Henry interrupts, managing to sit up enough to draw his knees to his chest. “Dude, Eddy, I seriously mean it.”

 

Eddy’s hands fly up into his own hair, and he pulls hard.  “How can you say that?!  What about the house you wanted?  What about the kids?  What about your parents?!  What about-”

 

“I see it sometimes, y’know?”  Henry smiles gently as he tilts his head to look up at Eddy, hugging his knees a little tighter.  “Our future together.”

 

“What future?!  There’s nothing to see!  There is no future!”

 

“Look, we both know that there shouldn’t be…”  Henry starts, keeping his voice soft.  “...but sometimes I just… I just see it.”

 

“And what exactly do you see?!  Do you see us losing all of our friends that aren’t in this fucking group?  Do you see our parents disowning us?  Do you see the kids we don’t have?!”

 

“No, I uh…”  Henry shakes his head, Eddy opens his mouth as if getting ready for another round of shouting, and Henry scrambles to explain before Eddy decides to storm off.  “...uh, I see us, and we have a restaurant.”

 

“A restaurant?”

 

“Yeah.  A restaurant!”  Henry nods frantically.  “You’re uh, the head chef, well actually, the only chef at first, but… yeah!  And at first it’s hard because it’s just the two of us that work there, but, but, but… but the food’s really great because you made it, and eventually it starts to really work out…”

 

Eddy doesn’t say anything, just stares down at him in disbelief, but his fists start to unclench at his sides.

 

“...and uh, I’ve seen you washing dishes with my mom, and chatting to her about all these dramas that you’ve both watched… yeah, apparently you like to watch Chinese dramas in the future, I don’t know… and I've seen you like, showing off cool stunts to my dad and he's like, super impressed… and I've seen you making fun of me with my sister because, y’know, you can both kind of be jerks sometimes…”

 

Eddy hands are hanging loosely now, and it looks to Henry like his knees might be starting to buckle.

 

“And, and… I've seen our first apartment together, and it's super tiny but like, it’s _ours_ , like, just yours and mine for once… and we had this huge argument picking out this stupid rug that we got because we couldn’t decide on the color and you insisted it had to be white for some reason and I was all like ‘no, we’ll ruin that in like, two days’ and then you said ‘well, maybe _you_ will’ and then I maybe lost it a little bit and like, we ended up having sex on the white carpet and it ended up all sweaty and stained but whatever, it was worth it…”

 

Eddy sinks slowly to his knees as he listens to Henry recounting all these daydreams that he’d held so secret for so long, that he’d never thought he’d ever have to say out loud, and Henry’s smile widens as he kneels in front of him.

 

“And… and…”  Eddy’s eyes are starting to soften and his jaw is slack, and Henry decides to tell him one of his most private, most forbidden dreams of all.  “...and sometimes I see you standing in a kitchen, in _our_ kitchen… and you’re, you’re… you’re making supper, and you’re holding this little toddler with one arm as you stir this pot with other, and this kid is like, playing with your hair because you grew it out again… and I’m sitting at the table and I’m helping our daughter, uh, she looks just like you, she’s beautiful… I’m helping her with her math homework, and you look over at me while you’re bouncing this kid in your arms and having your hair pulled and you’ve got all these stains on your shirt because the kid keeps distracting you and making you spill sauce on yourself, and you look tired and stressed, but, but you smile anyways.  And you look so happy Eddy, you look _so_ happy, and I smile back, and like… we’re happy.  I dunno, we’re just, happy…”

 

Eddy’s eyes are glassy and he opens his mouth real slowly, voice cracking.  “We’ve… we’ve got kids?  You’ve dreamed about us having kids before?”

 

“Yeah, man.”  Eddy’s kneeled so close to him that Henry can whisper now.  “We’ve got kids, Eddy…  I don’t know how we’ve got kids, but we’ve got kids.”

 

Eddy’s face is starting to look kind of red as he stares at Henry with wide, wet eyes.  “But… even if all that was possible, somehow, what… what about your parents?”

 

Henry chuckles a little, flicks some hair out of his eyes.  “Man, my parents will come around.  You can cook, and your face is kind of pretty sometimes, y’know?  You’re close enough.”

 

Eddy makes some noise and Henry can’t decide if it’s a laugh or a sob, and he cover his eyes with his hands again.  It doesn’t look like he’s going to say anything any time soon, and his shoulders are shaking a little, so Henry decides to try again.

 

He reaches out just a little, brushes his fingertips against Eddy’s bicep gently.  “So, uh, what do you say?  Does all of that, uh… sound like something you’d want?”

 

Eddy shoulders spasm violently, and when he finally pulls his hands away from his face his eyes are red-rimmed and his face is blotchy.

 

“I… I really fucking hate you sometimes, you know that?”  Eddy whispers, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hands.

 

“Yeah, I know.”  Henry grins, shuffles so he’s sitting beside Eddy.  “And if you say yes, you’ll get to hate me for the rest of your life.”

 

“W-well, h-how could I say no to that offer?”  Eddy stutters, smiling in spite of himself as he rubs at his face, cleans off his cheeks.

 

Henry smiles in response, drops a hand to rub at Eddy’s knee.  “So do you want to do this?  Do you want to marry me?”

 

“I… I…”  Eddy pauses, blinks a few times, and then suddenly jumps to his feet.  “Get up.”

 

“Uh, what?  Why?”  

 

“If we’re going to do to this, we’re going to do this right.”  Eddy says resolutely, crossing his arms in front of himself.  “All the rest of these have been messed up, let’s do this one right.  So get up.”

 

Henry’s confused, but he slowly stands anyways.

 

When he’s up, Eddy nods firmly.  “Okay, now get on one knee.”

 

“Mate, seriously?  But I like these pants…”

 

“You were _just_ sitting on the ground, get down.”  Eddy points at the concrete.

 

“Yeah, but, kneeling wears the knees out… I like these pants, these are good pants.”

 

“I know, I was with you when you bought them.  Now will you just kneel?”  Eddy points more vigorously this time, and Henry reluctantly crouches down.

 

“This good enough for you?”  Henry gestures to his pose, and Eddy smiles a little.

 

“Now give me the ring.”

 

Henry gapes up at Eddy like he’s completely lost it.  “Are you serious?  Do I look like I have a ring?”

 

“You’re wearing rings right now, give me one of them.”

 

“You’re pretty demanding for someone who proposed drunk all the time…”  Henry mumbles under his breath as he works a ring off one of his larger fingers (he has some misgivings about whether any of his rings are going to fit on any of Eddy short stubby fingers, but he’s not going to mention that now).

 

“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that.”  Eddy tries to sound serious, but the corners of his pretty lips keep twitching upwards, especially when Henry finally gets the ring off and extends it shakily to him.  “Okay, now… now you can ask.”

 

Henry takes a deep breath, looks up at this asshole that made him kneel on the roof and take off one of his rings, this guy that’s been a constant thorn in his side since he moved to Korea, the truest friend he’s had since he came here, a short bulky dudely dude with red eyes and a sweaty forehead, a guy who he’s now certain is the _right_ one.  

 

And he asks.  For his fourth time.

 

“Okay, uh… Eddy… no, _Edward_ … Edward Young Oh, do you want to marry me?”

 

“I… I…”  Eddy stops again, licks his lips, and his eyes water up as he nods.  “Yeah.  Yeah, I do.”

 

Eddy seems frozen to the spot and Henry actually has to reach forward and take Eddy’s hand in his own, and he holds his breath as he attempts to slide the ring on.  Thankfully, it fits, and when it’s seated as perfectly as it’s going to get on Eddy’s thick ring finger, Henry links their hands and gets to his feet.

 

“I… Eddy, we’re-”  Henry starts, feeling his own eyes tear up as he looks into Eddy’s swelling eyes, but Eddy shakes his head, smiling as he cuts him off.

 

“No, shut up and hold me.”  

 

And then Eddy’s arms are tight around his waist and Henry immediately hugs him back, splays his hands flat against Eddy’s smaller shoulders as Eddy buries his face in the crook of his neck, and they sway back and forth on their feet and Henry’s neck feels kind of wet but he’s not going to mention it because he’s not doing all that great himself with the whole no sappy tears thing.  

 

They embrace for what feels like ages, and Eddy’s holding him like it’s the last time he’s ever going to and it takes Henry a while to understand.

 

“Hey, Eddy, man… I’m going to come back.”  Henry murmurs into Eddy’s hair, brushes his lips over the side of his head.

 

“You had better fucking come back.”  Eddy mumbles against Henry’s neck and he holds him even closer.  

 

“I will, I promise.  Besides, I’ve got like, a fiancé waiting for me now.  I _have_ to come back.”

 

“You sure do.”  

 

They hold each other for a little while longer, until Henry’s suddenly aware of how much his face actually stings.

 

“You know,”  Henry pulls away, patting his cheek gingerly,  “I think we should probably tell our kids a different story about how we got engaged in the future.  Probably not great to tell them that one of their dads punched their other dad right in the face…”

 

“Yeah, I’m sorry about that, I never meant…”

 

“No, it’s okay, I totally deserved it.”  Henry laughs.  “But seriously, we might want to think up a better story…”

 

“Well, we’re going to have to do it all over again anyways, Youngjin and Joonyoung are going to be pretty upset that they missed it…”  Eddy runs a hand through his hair, still clutching tightly at Henry’s hip with his other hand.

 

“Speaking of which, do you think we should go, y’know, let them know?”  Henry gestures at the door from the roof, and Eddy nods, using a shirt sleeve to dab at this eyes.

 

“Yeah.  Let’s do it.”  Eddy grins even as he shivers a little, but he slides his hands downwards and grasps at Henry’s fingers tightly.  “But get ready, Joonyoung’s going to absolutely flip out.”

 

Eddy’s right.  E.co does absolutely flip.  As far as Henry can tell, E.co’s more upset about his massive swollen cheek than anything else, but Eddy doesn’t let go of his hand even as everyone crowds around them and fusses over his cheek and Henry tries to make himself heard over the general racket but it’s pointless because everyone else is so loud.  It’s not until Zica snakes his way through the pack of members and tugs gently at Eddy’s free hand, the one with the ring on it, and holds it up for everyone to see that they get a moment of silence.

 

Only a moment though, because then E.co basically screeches and Simba lets out a roar of happiness so loud that it rattles the windows of their house and suddenly there’s clapping from Sancheong and cheers from Zica and Yul and so many pairs of arms hugging them both all at once.  

 

Henry can’t really follow the conversation, but when E.co wrenches Eddy’s hand up to the light and gives the ring a scrutinizing glance before glaring at Henry, it seems to him like he says something or other about “can’t even be bothered to get you a proper ring”, while Chanyul mumbles something about this being “a whole household of shitty proposals” and Zica hugs him from behind and grins while saying “when I propose to you, it’s going to be the best proposal ever” and Sancheong rolls his eyes and say something along the lines of “you know you kind of just did propose, but, whatever” and Simba’s blubbering at this point but Henry just knows he’s babbling about how happy he is while fat tears drip down his cheeks.

 

When it finally quiets down a bit, they’ve moved to the couch, and Henry ends up with his head resting in Eddy’s lap while E.co presents the group with a bottle of something expensive looking that he had stashed away in one of his many hiding places.

 

Eddy’s pressing an ice pack to his cheek (Henry’s not sure who got it for them but he’s appreciative) while his free hand plays with Henry’s hair, and while everyone else is laughing and passing the bottle around and congratulating them on their engagement, Henry finds himself slowly dozing off.

 

He can’t help it, he knows he should be excited and celebrating, but he did have eleven hour flight today and his ear is kind of sore and his face is really sore and to be fair, he’s pretty emotionally exhausted, and even though the ice pack is cold Eddy is as warm as he always is, and his sweaty hands are massaging his scalp and that body heat that Henry’s been missing for the past month feels amazing and he just feels so comfortable and good and like everything is finally so right with his life that his body is more relaxed than its probably been in years.

 

As his eyelids flutter he turns his head slightly so he can look up at Eddy, and he raises an arm to stroke at one of those gaunt sweaty cheeks because he realizes that he hasn’t done something very important yet.

 

He runs his hand a little farther back along Eddy’s jawline until he reaches one of his ears, and then when Eddy looks down at him he tugs gently on his earlobe and guides his head down for a long, sweet, lingering kiss.

 

“Had to do it.  Hadn’t kissed you yet.”  Henry mumbles sleepily when they pull away and Eddy’s eyes are wide.

 

Eddy doesn’t have a response, just shakes his head and kisses him again before Henry resettles himself in his lap.

 

“Gonna miss you while I’m in China…”  Henry nuzzles his face against Eddy’s thigh, searching for the warmest spot to lay his head in while Eddy rubs at his shoulders and rearranges the position of the ice pack.

 

“Well, hurry up and go so you can come back, then.”  Eddy says softly, and Henry can hear the smile in his voice even though he can’t see it because his eyes refuse to open again for the night.  “I’ll be waiting.”

 

And just that, the knowledge that Eddy’s going to be there for him when he comes back, that he’s going to be there every time he leaves, whether it’s for a few minutes or a few hours or a few days or a few months, lets him know that he made the right choice.  

 

Because he feels complete now.

 

Even though it isn’t what he originally wanted, even though Eddy and the life he does and is going to have with him isn’t what he thought it would be, he knows it’s going to be worth it.

 

One way or another, there’s going to be a future together, he’s sure of it.  And it’s going to be a future with family and kids and pets and tears and fights and fear and laughter and happiness and he literally can’t imagine anyone else ever being in Eddy’s place anymore.

 

And he’s just got to let Eddy know that one more time.

 

So he links one of his hands with Eddy’s, feels the impression of his own ring on Eddy’s finger pressing into his skin.  “So, this is it forever now, man.  I love you.”

 

“Dude, shut up and go to sleep.”  Eddy laughs, squeezes his hand a little tighter.  “And I love you too.”

 

Henry smiles and presses a little kiss to Eddy’s thigh, and the last thing he sees before he falls asleep is everything.

 

He sees the restaurant, their first place, their pets, their kids.  He sees Eddy with long hair, Eddy with wrinkles, Eddy as the first and last thing he sees every day.  He sees a whole lifetime of love, and he feels as warm inside as Eddy makes him feel on the outside, and it’s all because this time, they both said yes.

 

 


End file.
